Meet the Winners of TFC 2008 Essay Contest
1st prize Lauren Zingler
"I am currently a senior, a varsity volleyball player, and member of the International Baccalaureate program. I will be graduating in June 2009. I plan to attend college in August 2009 as a History major. My goal is to attend Medical School after college, and be admitted into a 5-year Dermatology program. I would like to become a Dermatologist, specializing in Cosmetic Surgery, and hopefully one day run my own practice. I plan to help others look and feel their very best."
My essay:
Traditional Marriage: Can America afford to lose it?
In the last decade, there has been much debate over the topic of same-sex marriage in the United States. Two thirds of the country opposes it. Others don't know what to think because they believe that it doesn't directly affect them. Yet, does it? A small percentage of homosexual couples, political activists, and liberal judges make up a group of people in the United States who believe that homosexual couples deserve the same rights to be married as heterosexual couples do. Citizens are exposed to these groups on a daily basis, whether through the news, or through propaganda, stirred mostly thanks to liberal Hollywood filmmakers. As years pass, movies such as Brokeback Mountain are now becoming the norm. Not only did this propaganda piece do supremely well at the box office but it also received Academy Awards and Oscars. In addition, there has been an outcry from homosexual celebrities and entertainment icons like Brad Pitt, telling the press that he, (not even a homosexual himself), will not wed until same-sex marriage is made legal. So why wouldn’t people be confused? Nevertheless, what people need to realize is how monumental an impact same-sex marriage could have on the underlying values and traditions that have been holding American and human relationships together for centuries. Same-sex marriage should not be taken lightly for it would not only affect the homosexuals who are participating in it, but it could alter most rules on who is allowed to get married, how children are raised in their homes or brought up in school (some schoolchildren are now subjected to read books such as Heather has Two Mommies), and how society in general is supposed to treat this new matrimonial arrangement that is so foreign to them.
First and foremost, what the American public does not realize is that to live a homosexual lifestyle is a choice on the part of the people who are participating in it. No one is telling them to be gay; they are willingly acting upon it. For example, homosexuals believe that the discrimination they receive is similar to the discrimination that black people receive due to the color of their skin. This ridiculous comparison is completely unfair to colored people and not even close to true. How can you compare a personal choice, to something that you were born with? Blacks cannot change the color of their skin. Homosexuals can change the lifestyle they live. Society needs to understand that their lifestyle is a choice, and in fact one not agreed upon by the government of the United States. If two thirds of the United States won’t accept this form of marriage, why do homosexuals keep pushing the issue? Even a fellow homosexual John McKellar, the Executive Director of H.O.P.E. (Homosexuals Opposed to Pride Extremism) has stated "It is selfish and rude for the gay community to push same-sex marriage legislation and redefine society's traditions and conventions for our own self-indulgence... Federal and provincial laws are being changed and the traditional values are being compromised just to appease a tiny, self-anointed clique." Most importantly, people need to understand the consequences that same-sex marriage will have on society. This includes shorter marriages, less commitment in relationships, and greater health risks.
Heterosexual marriages should be treasured not just because of their established acceptance within society but because of the moral and meaningful relationships that they create. Heterosexual marriage is most importantly an "institution to procreation” (George) and the goal of marriage is to produce children that will benefit society and create an "intelligible moral structure” (George) to continue the tradition of marriage and childbearing. Marriage is a "one-flesh union of sexually complementary spouses and its value in ensuring that most children are reared with a biological mother and father bound to each other in a covenant shaped by moral obligations of fidelity and exclusitivity” (George). One thing is for certain. Two men or two women cannot conceive a baby. How, as a flourishing society, are we to expect an out crop of homosexual marriages to continue the tradition of having children and raising them in a manner that would benefit society? I think the answer is clear.
Heterosexual marriages have been proven to last longer than homosexual marriages. Numerous studies have been conducted to prove that homosexual relationships are in fact much shorter on average than heterosexual relationships. In a Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census conducted in 2003 and 2004, only 5% of homosexual relationships lasted 20 years or longer with 31% lasting just 1 to 3 years, and 29% lasting just 4 to 7 years [1]. This study was then compared to a study conducted by the National Center on Health Statistics which reported that 66% of heterosexual marriages last ten years or longer, with 50% lasting 20 years or longer, a tremendous increase from the homosexual relationships. Homosexual relationships (where the couple is not living together) last an average of 6 months according to a study conducted by Edward Laumann, a University of Chicago sociologist. Another study, conducted by M. Saghir and E. Robins, found that “the average male homosexual live-in relationship lasts between two and three years.” This evidence about the duration of homosexual relationships provides a few obvious facts. Why should we allow homosexuals to marry and enjoy the same benefits of heterosexual couples if their relationships can barely remain intact and last only a few years on average? Other than the need for more divorce lawyers, in what way will this benefit society?
Furthermore, recent studies have continually shown that homosexuals do not practice fidelity and exclusitivity on a regular basis and are more likely to cheat on their partners. In a study conducted again by Edward Laumann, 85% of married females, and 75.5% of married males reported sexual fidelity to their partners, compared to an astounding 4.5% of homosexual males in current relationships [2]. Of course this does not mean that people who are married have never cheated on one other, but rather by being in a marriage based on the principles of morality and faithfulness, heterosexual couples are more likely to suppress their urges. Even more astounding, is the number of sexual partners that homosexuals are known to acquire. A Dutch study found that men already in a steady relationship had, on the side, “an average of eight sexual partners per year” (Xiridou). Another study conducted by A.P. Bell and M.S. Weinberg, found that “43% of white male homosexuals had sex with more than 500 or more partners, with 28% having 1,000 or more sex partners.” How, in any way, does this emulate the principles of marriage? Interestingly enough, other recent studies even prove that given the opportunities to commit to one another through states that allow civil unions, over three quarters of homosexuals do not. In 2000, homosexual couples in Vermont were finally given the privilege to partake in civil unions. In a USA Today report, only 21% of the homosexual and lesbian population had entered into these accepted civil unions, while 79% chose not to. This only ascertains that homosexuals have little inclination to join committed relationships, which marriages thrive on. Why should we, as citizens of the United States, give them the privileges to marry, when homosexuals can’t even treat each other with civility, commitment, and respect?
Even more imperative to Americans is the health of our society. Evidence suggests that “homosexual relationships are at a far greater risk for contracting life-threatening diseases compared with married couples” (Dailey). Many people assume that homosexuals are at a far greater risk for contracting life-threatening diseases because they have sex with multiple partners. However, homosexuals are more likely to contract diseases in steady relationships. A study by the Dutch Department of Health and Environment found that “67% of HIV-positive men aged 30 and younger had been infected by a steady partner” (Garbo), and that “in recent years, young gay men have become more likely to contract HIV from a steady sexual partner than from a casual one” (Garbo). This evidence proclaims that homosexuals will be more likely to transfer their diseases to their steady partners if they are allowed to form civil unions, which is something that many citizens want to avoid. These civil unions might cause an outbreak of numerous sick homosexual couples. Besides having an ample risk for HIV and STD’s, “homosexual and lesbian relationships experience a far greater rate of mental health problems compared to married couples” (Dailey). A study published in the Archives of General Psychiatry studied groups of twins (one heterosexual and the other homosexual) and found that “the homosexuals with same-sex partners were at a greater risk for overall mental health problems and were 6.5 times more likely than their twins to have attempted suicide” (Herell). It is unnerving to know that disease would be more prevalent in society and that we would have more mental health problems if we allowed same-sex marriage to occur.
It seems obvious that there are demonstrated complications that arise for couples in same-sex marriages, but the next question is what happens to the children of these relationships? If the relationships of their parents are this complicated and fraught with challenge as compared to traditional marriages, then how are the children affected? Are they cheated out of proper development and childcare? “Exposure to both sexes is vitally important to the developmental needs of children because it helps them to form their sexual identity” (Brinkmann). Researcher Henry Biller, a professor of Psychology at the University of Rhode Island, also describes homosexual marriage as a difficult situation because "even if the father and mother behave in generally similar ways, they provide contrasting images for the infant ... Mothers and fathers have different verbal styles when communicating ... Involved fathers are more likely to stimulate the infant to explore and investigate new objects whereas mothers tend to engage their infants in relatively pre-structured and predictable activities ... The father and mother offer the child two different kinds of persons to learn about as well as providing separate sources of love and support. ..." One could see how drastically the learning of an infant with two mothers or two fathers would change the way they see the world. Their values and beliefs could possibly differ extensively from children of heterosexual marriages.
“Homosexual marriage doesn't just create a second societal structure,” continues Brinkmann, it actually "smuggles into existence ... two radically different social structures," explained Jeffrey Satinover, M. D., a psychiatrist and member of the Department of Politics at Princeton University. "They have utterly different demographics, life spans, health and behavioral characteristics, and sexual behaviors. ... They are as different from one another as men are from women. If you were to create gay marriage, you end up with three totally different marital entities...we will create three different classes of children," which would be children with two mothers, two fathers, or both a mother and a father. Quite frankly, it is likely that there would be a distinct irregularity between those children deprived of motherhood and fatherhood and the children that have both. As a society, do we really want three different kinds of children learning three different sets of values and morals? This will negatively affect how children interact with one another because what might be acceptable to one child might be wrong to another. Satinover also points out that if homosexuals are willing to adopt a child or have one through artificial insemination, they are actually being selfish in their efforts to raise a child who will not get the same benefits that it would from a heterosexual marriage. "What counts is the willingness to put one's own desires in second place,” says Satinover, “it has nothing to do with homosexuality, per se, it's the fact that if two men or two women insist on adopting a child, they thereby prove by their insistence that they know nothing about the needs of the child and are so selfish and ignorant of what children need, that by their very insistence they prove themselves unfit to be parents." Do we really want parents who are unfit for the job of raising our future generation?
Even the lifestyle of homosexuality causes serious damage to developing children. One compelling story by Dawn Stefanowicz, who wrote her own book titled Out from Under, recounted the years of loneliness and fear that were caused by her father’s sexuality. "I was at a high risk of exposure to contagious STD's due to sexual molestation, my father’s high risk sexual behaviors, and multiple partners," she wrote. "Even when my father was in what looked like monogamous relationships, he continued cruising for anonymous sex." She also describes how abandoned and disgusted she felt knowing that her father had sexual partners as young as 12 years old. "Yes, I loved my Dad. However, I felt abandoned and neglected as my needs were not met since my father would often leave suddenly to be with his partners for days. His partners were not really interested in me. I was outraged at the incidences of same-sex domestic abuse, sexual advances towards minors, and loss of sexual partners as if people were only commodities. I sought comfort looking for my father's love from boyfriends starting at 12 years old." It is sickening to expect children to live in this kind of environment, and who says this kind of behavior that these homosexuals participate in won’t continue into their same-sex marriages? Will the children have to deal with this lack of commitment and exposure to multiple partners throughout their childhood? Stefanowicz asks the question "Can children really perform their best academically, financially, psychologically, socially, and behaviorally in experimental situations?" She answers her own question by stating "My gender identity, psychological well-being, and peer relationships were affected.” Through her exposure to the sometimes shocking lifestyle of homosexuality, Stefanowicz believes her growth and happiness as a child were severely damaged.
For those who don't speculate that same-sex marriage concerns them, it is critical for them to understand that it can lead to all sorts of atrocities such as polygamy, incest, and multiple types of sexual orientation that are hard to define. If anyone, of any sexual orientation is allowed to get married, what will stop people from marrying their brothers and sisters, parents, or practicing group marriage, also known as polygamy? As the push for same-sex marriages continues in the United States, Americans must look at the moral breakdown of society that other countries have had to face after same-sex marriage was legalized in their countries. Holland, Norway, Denmark, and Portugal, to name a few, have all experienced major changes in their societal structure once they accepted same-sex marriage. In Holland, prostitution, drugs, forms of polygamy (Belien), and incest (Murphy), are now considered legal. In Norway, marriage has practically disappeared. “Today, not only 80 percent of first-born children in Norway but nearly 60 percent of subsequent children are born out of wedlock. Clearly, in a place where de facto gay marriage has gained almost complete acceptance, marriage itself has almost completely disappeared” (Kurtz). In Denmark in 2004 “the Danish government halted the distribution of 60,000 CD-ROMs for sexual education classes throughout the country because some of the content crossed the line of what they deemed acceptable…The 60,000 discs, intended for ninth graders, contained information about threesomes, bestiality and partners relieving themselves on each other while having sex” (Olsen). And lastly, Portugal, which set the age of sexual consent to 14 years old, experienced a scandal in 2002, when well-known celebrities and politicians were arrested for the molestation of girls and boys in a children’s home. “Staff at the network of 10 children's homes, which currently has 4,600 children in its care, have said they believe more than 100 boys and girls currently with them may have been sexually abused. Many of those suspected of having been victimized by staff at the 200-year-old institution are deaf-mutes” (BBC News). Is this what we want in the United States? By allowing same-sex marriage to occur, we are introducing ourselves to a plethora of atrocious possibilities.
Traditional marriage, between one man and one woman, is the only way to maintain a respectful, moral, ethical and just society. Traditional marriage forges marital bonds and commitment, sets moral standards for our citizens, and allows children to develop and grow through the teachings of biological parents of two different genders. The lifestyle of homosexuality is too complicated for the development of a child, and homosexuals are considered selfish for putting their potential children in such a position. By viewing the destruction of morality in countries that have decided to legalize same-sex marriage, it is true that as a society we would be setting ourselves up for the destruction of our great nation, which has prided itself on standing against the face of adversity. If anything goes in marriage, would we be able to continue to protect our other laws, or even our constitution? Yes, democracy is a gift that we will forever cherish, but it can sometimes be taken too far. We must stand against the small group of homosexuals, liberal judges, and political activists that want same-sex marriage, and fight to maintain the belief that marriage is between one man and one woman. I believe that Marie Jon illustriously asks the question on everyone’s minds, “Can we as a nation afford to stand idle, knowing that our silence may lead to a fragmentary breakdown of society as we know it?”
Works Cited
1)Bayles, Fred. Vermont’s Gay Civil Unions Mostly Affairs of the Heart. USA Today. 7 January, 2004: 1.
2)Belien, Paul. First Trio “Married” in the Netherlands. The Brussels Journal. 27 September, 2005.
3)Bell, A.P. and Weinberg, M.S. Homosexualities: A Study of Diversity Among Men and Women. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1978. pp. 308, 309.
4)Bramlett, Matthew D. and Mosher, William D. First Marriage Dissolution, Divorce, and Remarriage: United States. Advance Data, National Center for Health Statistics.
5)Brinkmann, Susan. Gay Marriage: Who’s Minding the Children? Catholic Standard and Times. May-June, 2004.
6)Brune, Adrian. City Gays Skip Long-term Relationships: Study Says. Washington Blade. 27 February, 2004: 12.
7)Dailey, Timothy J. Comparing the Lifestyles of Homosexual Couples to Married Couples. Family Research Council Study, Washington D.C.
8)Garbo, Jon. More Young Gay Men are Contracting HIV from Steady Partners. GayHealth. 25 July, 2001.
9)George, Robert P. One man, One Woman. The Wall Street Journal. 28, November, 2003.
10)Herell, R. A Co-Twin Study in Adult Men. Archives of General Psychiatry: 56, pp. 867-874.
11)Jon, Marie. One man and One Woman equals a Marriage. Renew America Columns. 21 January, 2006.
12)Kurtz, Stanley. Death of a Marriage in Scandinavia. The Boston Globe. 3 October, 2004.
13)Laumann, Edward. The Social Organization of Sexuality. 216.
14)Murphy, Clare. Incest: An age-old taboo. BBC News Website. 12 March, 2007.
15)Olsen, Jan M. In Denmark, plans to distribute 60,000 CD-ROMS for sex ed classes nixed after content criticized. The Associated Press. 2 December, 2004.
16)Saghir, M. and Robins, E. Male and Female Homosexuality. Williams and Wilkins, Baltimore. 1973: 225.
17)Stefanowicz, Dawn. Out from Under. Annotation Press. August 2007.
18)Xiridou, Maria. The Contribution of Steady and Casual Partnerships to the Incidence of HIV Infection among Homosexual Men in Amsterdam. AIDS 17. 2003: 1031 and 1033.
19)Largest Gay Study Examines 2004 Relationships. GayWire, Latest Breaking Releases.
20)Portugal Rocked by Sex Scandal. BBC News Website. 29 May, 2003.
